


Batjokes Week

by ashalili



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-13 23:06:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4540890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashalili/pseuds/ashalili
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mentions of rape (in passing) but no actual rape.</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Inside My Head

They were on top of a random building, trading punches. Batman grunted as Joker landed a punch to his face. He could feel his lip split. Bruce was growing frustrated. For every move he made, Joker countered and managed to catch Batman off guard.

"Maybe I'm having an off night." Bruce muttered to himself, staring down the Joker as they both panted. Joker grinned, eying the trail of blood trickling down Batsy's split lip. 

"What's the matter, doll? Tired already? We've only just begun!" Joker cackled.

"Never, Joker. I wont stop until you're off the streets of my city!" Bruce growled and readied for another attack. He lunged forward, hoping to catch Joker off guard and knock him out, but Joker anticipated his move and kicked the back of Batman's knee as he moved.

Bruce cursed. He always underestimated how quick Joker was. Joker laughed as Batman collapsed on his injured knee. In one smooth movement, Joker grabbed a syringe from his pocket and stuck it into Bruce's unarmored jaw.

Bruce's eyes widened as the poison worked quickly through his body. He felt himself weakening. Through numb lips Bruce asked an insane question that had him cursing internally.

"How do you always anticipate my every move?" He muttered, so softly he was sure Joker couldn't hear it.

Joker chuckled and kneeled in front of his darling . He cupped Bruce's face in purple gloved hands. He licked the trail of blood on Batsy's lip.

"Ohhhh, cupcake! Don't you know I'm inside your head?" He paused, staring into Bruce's eyes, "Just like you're inside my head, Batsy." 

Bruce could hear the Joker's laughter chasing him into the darkness. Then there was nothing as Bruce's world went black.


	2. When Bats Isn't Around

When Bats Isn't Around

Joker sighed. It was early on in the day, just past dawn. He had just left Batsy and he was already bored. He didn't want to think of any plans or tricks.. he was in a melancholy mood. Wishing for things he couldn't have. 

Joker flopped down on his mattress on the floor of his current hideout. From under a pile of threadbare blankets, he pulled out a stuffed version of his favorite rodent. He pulled it close and rested his chin on it.

"Well, Batsy?" He asked the doll, almost as if he expected the it to talk back. He sighed again, "Why can't he see it? I do all this for him. I give him a purpose, I cause chaos, set up games for him... and never a 'thanks'. Only ever 'Joker, you're going back to Arkham! You'll never escape!'" He mimicked Batman's low growl. 

Joker pulled the doll closer, wishing it was his darling. He knew it wasn't to be. A thought struck him and he sat up, holding the doll so they were face to face.

Joker grinned, "Maybe there IS a way!" He tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully, "Where oh where could Scarecrow be?" He put Batsy back under the blankets and stood. He grabbed his purple coat from where he had flung it on the floor and walked out into the cool air. 

*********

Walking through the Narrows, he knew he'd come across Jonathan eventually. Joker finally found one of his henchmen and asked if he'd heard any rumors about Scarecrow's whereabouts. 

A couple of phone calls later and Joker had an address. He skipped down the street towards the address he was given. No one dared stop the madman, especially with the manic grin he was sporting.

*******

Joker banged on the door to the apartment. He heard shuffling steps from behind the door.

"Who is there?" Jonathan asked through the door. Joker recognized Scarecrow's voice easily.

"Open up, Crane. You owe me a favor and I'm collecting." He snarled.

The door opened, revealing a disheveled Jonathan. 

"Oops, did I wake up sleeping beauty?" Joker cackled. 

Jonathan growled. "Are you coming in or not, clown?" He snapped. 

The smile dropped from Joker's face and he pushed his way in. 

"What is it? Tell me so you can get out." 

Joker whirled around and had a knife at Jonathan's throat before he could blink. 

"Don't test me, Johnny."

Crane held his hands up in surrender. Joker let his hand drop to his side, keeping the knife out in case Crane got any funny ideas. 

"I need a drug. Something not only to incapacitate but to lower inhabitations, as well. Got anything, Johnny?"

"I...might." Jonathan answered warily, "Well, I have both. One will incapacitate and the other will lower inhabitations. If I give them to you, will you leave?" He asked haughtily. 

"Scouts honor!" Joker saluted, laughing. 

Jonathan rolled his eyes but went to his lab to get the drugs. He came back out a few moments later with two syringes. He held up one with blue colored liquid in it. 

"Blue is to knock Batman out." He held up the second syringe with green liquid, "And this will lower inhabitations. I suggest you knock him out first. You can safely give him the green one while he's out." Jonathan handed the syringes to Joker.

Joker stowed them away in a pocket, "How long will he be out?"

Jonathan hesitated, "A normal man would be out for an hour or two. But as it's for Batman," He paused until Joker nodded, "He's an enigma, so probably a half hour. The other will last a night, if you're lucky."

"Thanks, Johnny!" Joker giggled. 

"Leave, clown!" He snarled, his patience leaking away. 

Joker grinned, "Well, since you asked so nicely!" He tossed over his shoulder as he skipped out the door. Jonathan barely waited until Joker had cleared the door before it was slammed shut behind him. 

Joker mock frowned, "How rude!" He started heading back to his hideout, grinning as he made plans. 

"See, Batsy, that's what you get when you're not around! You're going to be in for a rude awakening tonight!" He clapped his hands together, he had a feeling (and his instincts were usually right) that after tonight his and Batman's relationship was going to take a sharp turn. Either for better or for worse, Joker didn't particularly care which. Batsy might kill him or maybe, just maybe, this would pull his head out of his ass to acknowledge his feelings for the Joker.

Joker grinned, antsy to get home and sleep. The faster he slept, the faster tonight -and Batsy- would come!


	3. Love At First Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of rape (in passing) but no actual rape.

Love At First Sight 

Bruce came to slowly. The first thing he became aware of was a soft mattress under him. He tried to remember where he was and how he got there. His memory was blank. Bruce frowned and opened his eyes. Maybe he'd recognize where he was. 

He was on a bed in an otherwise empty room. Bruce tried to sit up but his arms were chained to the frame of the bed. The chains rattled as he pulled at them. 

Bruce relaxed and tried to save his strength while he searched his memory. The last thing he remembered was... the Joker. They were fighting on a roof... Joker kicked him down and then injected him with something. 

"Joker?!" Batman growled to the empty room. 

The door at the other end of the room clicked open, as if waiting for Bruce's command. Joker came into view. 

Bruce's eyes widened when Joker came into the room. He took in every detail. Joker only had on his patterned shirt half unbuttoned and his green pants were slung low on his hips. He was barefoot. 

Bruce's mind raced. His breath quickened, he had the feeling he knew where this was going. Joker had made comments before but Bruce had thought he was trying to get under Batman's skin! 

Joker saw Batman's reacting and giggled, "Rellllllax, Batsy. It won't be so bad, promise!" He smiled slyly as Bats froze. Joker stopped by the edge of the bed and looked down at his captive. 

"What do you want?" Bruce was disgusted to hear how breathless his voice sounded. He grimaced. 

"Oh, now Bats. I how you know what I want. I haven't been very secretive about it, darling." He giggled when the skin showing underneath the mask paled. 

"I thought you'd be above rape, Joker. Doesn't really seem like your MO." Bruce tried to quip.

"Oh no, my darling. I'm not going to rape you. I'm just going to bring your repressed feelings out." Joker grinned widely as he pulled another syringe from his pants pocket. Bruce started struggling in earnest. 

Joker straddled Batman's hips, muscling the bigger man down. He pricked the skin under Batman's jaw with the syringe and depressed it. 

"How do you feel, Batsy?" Joker leaned over and whispered into his ear. 

"What did you do to me?!" Bruce roared, trying to buck Joker off.

"It acts like a truth serum." Joker said, pressing Bruce back down into the bed, "I wanna know how you really feel, cupcake."

Bruce's mouth compressed into a tight line. 

"Go ahead and try to resist, Batsy. It won't help you any." Joker laughed. 

"You underestimate me, Joker. I can resist and I will."

"I'm going to enjoy watching you try, Batsy." He breathed into Batman's ear, "I'll start off easy. How do you feel about the kitty-cat?"

He leaned back to watch Batman's reaction. His blue eyes were burning with anger. It looked like Batsy was biting his lips together. Joker bounced a bit on Bruce's hips and whined. 

"Cmon, Batsy. You know it'll go smoother if you just...let...go." Joker whispered enticingly.

Bruce gasped as Joker landed particularly hard on him, "She's a good ally." He ground out.

"Noooow we're getting somewhere! Hmm.." Joker tapped his chin with a finger in mock thought, "Let's try a harder one, shall we? Are you attracted to her?" He grimaced, disgusted, but he had to know! Never you mind if he didn't like the answer... she'd be fine missing a limb or her heart, right? 

"No." Batman snapped. 

Joker settled a bit, "Oh good. I didn't really want to cut out her heart and send it to you. You don't seem like the type that would appreciate that!" Joker laughed. 

If possible, Batman's blue eyes hardened more. 

"So, Batsy." Joker leaned down on Bruce's chest, head leaning on a hand, "Any criminals you, ah, arrrre attracted to?" He tried going for nonchalant, but Joker was about as subtle as a brick to the face. 

Bruce clamped his lips shut again and shook his head, turning to look at the wall. Joker grinned. 

"Come on, Batsy, I'll even let you ask a few questions if it'll make you feel a bit better!"

THAT got back Batsy's attention. Blue eyes met with green as Bruce tried to figure out if Joker was being serious.

He took a deep breath (while wishing for a shovel to help dig his grave) and answered, "Yes."

Joker's grin widened so much, it looked like he was going to split the scars again, "Your turn, darling. I'm a man of my word."

"Why are you doing this?" Bruce spat out.

"Not a very original question to start with." Joker said, snorting in disbelief, "But a deal is a deal. I want you to drop your guard. I want to pull your head out of your ass."

"My head isn't-" Bruce started to argue. 

Joker cut him off, "It is too. If it wasn't you wouldn't be surprised when I do this." Joker leaned down and caught Batsy's lips with his. 

Bruce stilled in shock. Joker wasn't... wasn't joking all those times he had hit on Batman. He watched Joker lean back, smacking his lips as he went. 

"Are you going to... what are you going to do?" Bruce asked flatly. 

Joker caught Bruce's train of thought, "Oh no, cupcake. I'm not going to rape or kill you, I told you that earlier. You'll be begging me before the night is over!" Joker replied, each sentence punctuated with small giggles, "If I let you out if the chains, as an act of goodwill, promise not to run?"

Bruce hesitated. 

"If not, I'll keep you in them until I feel like letting you out. Might be quite a while..." Joker teased.

Batman sighed and reluctantly nodded and Joker wasted no time in unlocking his arms. Bruce slowly brought his aching arms down, trying to roll his shoulders a bit to ease the tension. 

"Take off your armor and roll over, doll." Joker ordered. 

Bruce stared at him strangely. 

"Oh, don't worry! You can keep the mask. I won't do anything too nefarious, scouts honor!" Joker hopped off the other man. Bats sat up slowly, wary. 

"You're not going to give me a choice, are you?" Bruce snarled.

"Nope." Joker smiled, "You might as well play along, I have another dose to knock you out again. I'd rather not, but if you're going to be difficult..." Joker let the threat hang in the air.

Bruce sighed heavily and got up. His hand working at the clasps of the chest armor. He took it off piece by piece, baring himself to the Joker's hungry eyes. 

"Shirt too, doll." Joker paused, thinking, "Actually maybe you should take off the mask. I can't get to your neck with it on."

Bruce stiffened, "No!"

"Aw, cmon, Brucie. I already know who you are."

Bruce's breath left his body in an audible whoosh, "H-how did you.."

Joker laughed softly, "Now, doll. What kind of villain would I be if I didn't figure it out?"

Bruce grabbed Joker by the shirt, "How?!" He roared. His mind was racing. He'd have to call Alfred and tell him to hide. Lucius, too.

"You threw yourself after her. I thought you really were Dent. But he showed up right after you jumped after her. I looked around for Brucie to take as a hostage and he wasn't there. Then one of my Hench-clowns said he saw Bruce going into a paneled wall. He thought it was a panic room... I knew better." Joker reached up and grabbed one of the ears of his mask. He wasn't quick enough to stop Joker as he pulled it off, baring a desheveled Bruce. 

"Why haven't you said anything?" Bruce whispered through numb lips. 

"I'm not the sharing type, dollface." Joker answered softly. Bruce noticed his hands had loosened. Joker noticed too and stepped closer to Bruce. He wrapped his arms around Bruce's neck and pulled him close. 

"Why?" Bruce whispered before their lips touched. 

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Joker asked, kissing Bruce. 

Bruce pulled back, "No. I don't."

"The first time I saw you, I knew. You completed me. Two sides of the same coin." Joker's eyes were distant as he reminisced. He focused back in on Bruce and pushed him away, "On the bed. Lay on your stomach." He ordered. 

Bruce surprisingly obeyed. Joker straddled Bruce's thighs, hands on his shoulders. Bruce groaned and his eyes snapped closed when Joker started kneading. 

Joker leaned close to Bruce's ear, "See, darling? It would be so good between us." He pressed a kiss to the skin behind Bruce's ear. When Bruce didn't complain, he continued kissing whatever skin he could reach. 

"What did you really give me?" Bruce murmured. 

"It lowers your inhabitations. I knew you couldn't accept what was between us without something to pull your head out of your ass. You'd kill us both denying it."

"You have a strange obsession with my ass, don't you?" Bruce chuckled. He felt relaxed, almost too relaxed. 

"Of course I do!" Joker scoffed. Bruce felt like he should be scared, but he was just too relaxed to care. Bruce's mind felt like mush. That's the only excuse he could come up with for what he did next. He flipped over, knocking Joker off balance. Bruce managed to reverse their positions and Joker was grinning up at Bruce. 

Bruce leaned down and captured Joker's lips in a heated kiss. After deepening the kiss, he broke it panting. Joker was staring up at Bruce with heavily lidded eyes. 

"Maybe I do believe in love at first sight." Bruce murmured, leaning down to kiss Joker breathless again.


End file.
